The wound vs the scar, and this one time [last week] I deleted an article…
Last Monday, I sent out an email blast to 2000+ people w an 866 word piece that spoke to what I’d ‘learned’ from something that had happened 5 days prior, featured a story of how I’d felt really let down by a girlfriend, and an attempt to find a deeper meaning.
The piece was up for 16 minutes before I deleted it.
I’d like to pretend the decision to delete was entirely self-generated.
It wasn’t.
I was sitting w my friend Dan (who is a coach and about to be a licensed therapist) and mentioned my hesitation (which I was gonna push thru). He read it, and advised me to take it down.
He reminded me of something our friend Jesse has taught me/us — the difference between speaking from the wound vs the scar.
The wound
The wound is fresh + bloody — a barely begun, top layer of an injury or hurt that’s just beginning to heal. There’s still so much to be understood, realized, learned and gained from the wound place.
There’s (likely) a seeking of emotional support and/or an emotional need getting projected.
Often the best way to heal wounds, is to really focus on applying all the salves and balms they need as directly as possible.
When I posted that story, I was projecting an emotional need to feel brave, supported and validated, vs focusing on providing for myself.
The scar
The scar, in contrast, is a healed wound, what forms perhaps after stages of grief have been worked thru.
Time has brought new understandings, acceptance and clarity. There’s a perspective rooted in wisdom gained. There’s been an integration.
On transitions
Also at play for me, was a(n egoic) desire to be someone who shares at the most vulnerable level, which I equate w bravery and courage. Every week. Which has been new for me.
Sharing from a place of wound, and under (self-imposed) commitment to share, is brave and courageous.
It’s also a bit dangerous.
A deleted medium post is where I got to discover that I’m not trying to be someone who processes in real time; I don’t think it serves the higher mission.
Someday I’ll (likely) revise and re-publish the piece, cause the moral center of it is/was strong.
Till then, thanks for being on the ride w me.
Some questions, if this theme resonates:
- What scars are you currently present to?
- What wounds are you currently present to?
- What’s it look like, to care for yourself in their ‘treatment’?
If you feel called to share your responses, I’d love to read — allie@equanimityequation.com
